Stuck, like a car in a snow drift, many people feel that their situation is unchangeable.

Giving into their helplessness, they continue to live their lives in the rut of despair.

Psychologist Martin Seligman has called this form of despair, learned helplessness. It is a learned helplessness because we have been well-trained by our family of origin or the community we live in to believe that the current situation of our lives are beyond change. We agree with this assessment and live out the spoken or unspoken rules of the world around us.

Here is the good news - we don't have to give into this learned helplessness.

First, diagnosis is the first big step to the cure. Sit down and in quietness write down those sentences which seem to be your negative mantra: "I can never be a good _____________." "I could never ______________." "I will always ____________________." "I am _________________ (negative label, such as 'stupid', 'dumb', etc.)

Second, begin challenging these negative statements. Are they always true? Are there times when you succeeded and made a lie out of this truth? In all of us is an heroic person who has already made lies out of some of these things that we tell ourselves on a daily basis.

Third, we can begin by surrounding us with the people who live the life we desire. They may doing the careers that we aspire to do. We collect positive, inspiring people who cheer us on our way. Many people who are not particularly religious find certain TV shows inspiring, for example, The Hour of Power and Joel Olsteen. Others buy audio books of inspirational speakers and play them over and over again as they drive around.

Fourth, find one person who knows you well who will join you in challenging this learned helplessness. This may be your partner, a friend, a family member. Invite them to challenge you every time you begin talking out of your learned helplessness. Let them say, 'Stop, there you go again!' each time they hear you going into the rut of your despair.

Remember, Tell this lie to go to hell - "My life is what it is, I can't change it!"

(c) 2008 Ronald Friesen

P.S. If you wish to learn more about learned helplessness, see this website;
http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/discouragement/helplessness.html