"You know Bill? He will never change!"

"I know what you mean. He is crouchy and cranky and mean all the time!"

"People just don't change!"

I know I have said these words about people. I am sure that you have said these, too.

There are several problems with this view of the world.

First, by making a declaration such as, "Bill will never change," we have forever cemented in our minds our image and judgment about him. We have placed over our eyes gigantic blinders ensuring that we will never notice even small, postive changes that Bill is trying to make. Bill has no motivation to ever make an effort to self-improvement because of our intrasient position about his behavior. (This is very devastating to children and young people. I have met many children and young people who believe that they can never be good enough for their parent or their teacher.)

Second, by making such a declaration about people, we encourage their undesirable behavior. "If I can never make Mom happy, I might as well be as bad as bad can be." Remember, negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Third, people DO change! I have seen angry, resentful people become loving people. I have seen revengeful people become forgiving people. I have seen mean people become caring people. I have seen people stuck in their addictions become free and sober.

The key to helping people change is for us to begin believing that they can change. With our new belief system, we begin looking for evidence of their change. We celebrate every kind word, every positive action, and every effort to be productive.

If you have people in your life who you have given up on - I invite you to

Send this lie to Hell - People don't change!!

(c) 2007 Ronald Friesen