Have you ever said these things or heard someone else say them:
"I have everything under control!"
"I have to be in control.
"I will be in control."
We would like to believe that we have the power to control all of our circumstances and the people around us. I mean who likes living in chaos or uncertainity?
Think with me for a minute about these claims that people are making when they verbalize these kinds of thoughts.
1. Is anyone ever totally in control of a situation?
2. Is there anyway to guarantee that the outcomes I desire will occur?
3. Is there any way in the world to have total and complete control of other people?
We really would like to believe that we have been given the power to control every situation and every person and every outcome.
Realizing that we do not have the power to do this, we find ourselves defeated and discouraged. Many people live very unhappy lives because they have not managed to figure out to have this kind of power. I believe that many people experience depression and physical pain as a result of this feeling of powerlessness.
Are you interested in learning how to be free of this self-imposed pain?
Here is the secret - learn the difference between 'control' and 'manage'.
I can't control the world around me, but I can manage it.
I have no say if it is going to rain when I go out this afternoon But I can plan for it. I can take an umbrella. I can take a raincoat. I can plan my trip to avoid certain parts of town if it does rain so I can be safer. I can't control the weather, but I can manage my life so it is less likely to effect me negatively.
I can't control a family member's response to my request to get their chores done by a certain expected time. However, I can manage my feelings about that response. I may be able to plan my life around their efforts. I may be able to outline some consequences for their lack of cooperation. I can't control their response, however, I can manage my feelings and my responses to them.
If you think you are in control of your life - please tell this lie to go to the Hell it deserves!
(c) 2007 Ronald Friesen
| | Posted by AZRON at 5:20 PM - | |
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ron
I've never been a controlling person.
After we adopted the different kids we have, I had to change my ways quite alot because they NEEDED to be controlled............especially in a way that my biological children did not. That aspect of parenting my adopted children has been very hard for my husband and me. We were both no. 4 in our large families (his was bigger than mine) and neither of us were good at discipline. Somebody had to rise up and 'manage' (to use your word) things though, as it were, and it ended up being me because if I didn't the kids would have run our home, just like he and his siblings ran their home (and it was a Christian one too) when he was growing up.
One day my very gentile mother-in-law got exTREMELY upset with me because I took my biological son upstairs to spank him (he was 2 1/2 at the time) because he hurt his cousin intentionally. All the way up the stairs she told me that I was committing 'violence'. I told her back, as nicely as I could, that I would NOT have an undisciplined child (I refrained from saying like hers), and that God had spoken Proverbs 29:17 very clearly to me. I don't even have to look it up. It's "Correct your son and he will give you rest". I KNEW the Lord meant that for me.
My son is 28 now. He gives me GREAT rest, AZRON. He was a rambunctious child (ADHD) but he was always very lovable and caring. He had trouble with his studies in school for a while but when he recommitted his life to the Lord at 15, he started making the high honor roll. He graduated cum laude with a theology degree and is now on the Deans List getting a secondary ed. history degree (with a minor in Ancient Mediterranean Studies). Yeeeeeep, he's givin' me LOT'S o' rest over here, AZRON!
I was so humbled the day that Junior came home from college and told me what he had told his professor that day. Apparently the professor had told him that he needed to be more open to more 'liberal' interpretations of the Bible, and not be so literal. He told the teacher, right in front of the class, that he was got his doctrine from the Bible College he went to, he was getting his degree from this college (the one he was at, at the time) but he got his love of the Word in his living room from his mom (dat's ME, AZRON!). Oooo, can you see me blushing??? The teacher didn't say another word to him the rest of the semester. I wondered how he would fare on his report card. He got a 4.0 in the course.
People tell me all the time that they 'don't know how I do it all' with all the kids I have. The funny thing is that I've never felt, I don't think ever in my whole life, that I've ever had "everything under control". Even when I was a kid, or when I was first married without any children. I've always felt like I'm scrambling to catch up to some imaginary standard that I place on myself and I'm always falling short.
At my venerable age
I am glad you learned the difference between controlling your children (birth and foster/adopt) and managing them. We don't control children - we manage them - and most of all we practice self-control in our responses to them.
ron
All the best!
it is a great book.
ron
ron
Thanks for the
ron