"I can't help myself."
"I am who I am because ________________." (fill in the blank - usually about someone did to us when we were younger - but occasionally in our adult life).
"I am trapped and I can't get out."
There is a common trap many of us get into in our lives. It is the trap of 'I am a victim.'
First, I am not saying that what happened to us wasn't terrible, horrible, awful and sometimes, even criminal. We were violated, bullied, abused, mistreated, and neglected.
Second, many of us bear scars on our bodies, minds and most importantly, on our souls from what others did or didn't do to us. We feel dirty, sick, crazy and worse because of what happened to us.
Third, many of us were made to feel that we deserved or asked for what happened to us. This deepens what happened to us be adding the layer of shame on us.
Fourth, many of us have not found a way to reconcile ourselves with the person who abused us - and because reconciliation of any kind is not likely possible or even recommended, society continues to support our 'victim identity'.
Finally, because of all of the above, we really do become a victim. We become stuck in our identity as an abused person. We don't know who we are are apart from what has happened to us.
So what is the key to unlocking this prison house labeled 'victim'?
As many people have found that the key is to change from being a 'victim' to being a 'victor'.
The way we become a victor is to decide that we will not longer give power to our abuser.
When we allow the abuser to cause us to fear, to question ourselves relentlessly, to stop ourselves from going on with our lives, we give power to our abuser.
Regaining our power and our voice (I add 'voice' because many abused people feel and act as they have no voice about their lives) is key to becoming victorious over our past.
Frequently individual or group counseling is helpful in helping us overcome our feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
Life is too short to keep allowing this lie from hell to control our lives.
Tell this lie to go to hell - "I am a victim"!!!
(c) 2007 Ronald Friesen
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Keep living victoriously!
ron
Have you noticed how everyone seems to want to be a victim today. Nobody wants to accept responsibility. Politicians will say they accept full responsibility for an action, but then nothing happens to them. Those who are arrested for criminal deeds now place themselves in the role of a victim of society. Grown children often blame their parents for the children's irresponsible actions. The list goes on and on and on.
How true! Everyone thinks they are a victim. The sense of personal responsibility is out the door! Do you think that some of federal policies have contributed to this state of mind and affairs?
ron
I read this post and was reminded once again that I wish the legal system would find another word to use than victim ...
It sometimes takes years for people to move through the legal system and always the survivor is called a victim ... long after their healing may have already begun ...
I wonder what other word they could use that wouldn't be quite so diminishing?
There is always food for thought here.
Huggggggggggggz,
Taylor
I do think that the continual reference to 'victim' is a continual victimization of the person(s) involved.
How about 'target'? I know we use that word when addressing bullying in schools.
what do you think?
ron
Target's a little better than victim, but for those of us who were held at gunpoint, it might not be so good either!
How about Offender and offended?
Offended people usually DO SOMETHING about it! It might get victims started on the right path. Feels different to me ...
Sample A) Are you the victim? Yes
Sample B) Are you the offender or the offended? I am the offended
It almost feels empowering! What do you think?
Hugggggggggggggggz,
Taylor
I think 'offended' is right on target! Let's go for it!
What would you think of the word, 'violated' = I have been violated - and he is the violator!
ron
I like Violated and Violator also but Offended and Offender would be easier for the legal system to adopt. They are used to saying Offender and unfortunately Repeat Offender too.
I really am going to suggest it to our local solicitor's office!
Still trying to change my own little corner of the world!
Hugggggggggz,
Taylor
Thanks for coming by and giving me the thumbs up!
ron